Saving Private Leechball/Transcript
Intro "Last time on Total Drama All-Stars," Chris introduced. "Our heroes and villains went digging for buried treasure and uncovered a few nasty surprises." He chuckled. "Scott villained it up big time when he tried to prove he's abandoned his challenge-throwing ways by sabotaging the heroes. Heather and Jo battled it out for leadership over the Villainous Vulture. But, in the end, the Heroic Hamsters were victorious, and Lightning, fresh from a hungry night of exile on Boney Island, made enough boney-headed moves to get the royal flush from his teammates. Twelve competitors remain. Which one of them will ride the sewer system next? Find out right now on Total ... Drama ... All-Stars!" Opening sequence (Cameras extend from parts around Camp Wawanakwa.) Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine. You guys are on my mind. (Camera rapidly moves past Chris, in a helicopter, and up a hundred foot cliff. The camera jumps off the cliff and enters the ocean where Scott is being chased by Fang.) You asked me what I wanted to be, and now I think the answer's plain to see. (Fang jumps out of the water, showing Courtney on a raft paddling toward him.) I wanna be famous. I wanna live close to the sun. So pack your bags 'cause I've already won. (The camera zooms in on a totem pole where Duncan is carving a skull that resembles a bunny as Zoey stares at him, causing him to stop and snap his knife. The camera zooms back where Zoey turns to see Mal with a rope, preparing to drop a boulder on Cameron. He quickly turns back to Zoey as Mike and grins.) Everything to prove, nothing in my way. I'll get there one day. 'Cause I want to be famous. (The camera moves to the Mess Hall where Alejandro and Heather are wrestling each other for the McLean Brand Chris Head. Heather knocks Alejandro down and the Chris Head falls into her hands. She laughs while Alejandro scowls at her.) Naaaa-na-na-na-naaaa, na-na-na-na-naaaa, na-na-na-na-na-naaaa! (The camera pans back to reveal the dock where Lightning is staring at his reflection in the water. In the water, Courtney is still chasing Fang, but the raft crashes into Duncan and Gwen’s boat and the latter smiles apologetically as Courtney sinks.) I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous! I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous! (Further in the water, Lindsay is jet-skiing and blowing kisses and Jo, also jet-skiing, shoves her aside when they crash into each other. The camera pans to Boney Island where mutants are chasing Sam and he is mauled by one, sending pieces of his clothes into the air until the day becomes the night.) Whistling. (At the campfire, Scott, bruised, and Courtney lean in to kiss, but Sierra snaps a picture of them on her phone and they flinch back. Camera pans back as the campers, separated with the Heroes on the right and the Villains on the left.) Act I "Ugh," Duncan said. "I've almost forgotten about these crud-tacular cabins." He sat in a bunk underneath Alejandro. Scott readied himself to sleep on the bunk across from them. Alejandro sighed. "Let us hope it is our only visit." Scott leaned back. "Ow!" He rubbed his head. "I miss the hotel. Now that I know how rich people live, everything I used to like stinks!" The bunk collapsed. "Ow!" He screamed as a coil lodged itself in his eyes. "Crappy bed!" He punched the bed and screamed as nails tacked on to his fingers. "Scott's okay," Duncan said. "At least with him you know what you're getting ... which is crud, but still, nice to know." "Well, good night, gentlemen," Alejandro wrapped himself in a sleeping bag. "After a year in that robot suit, I find it difficult to sleep if I'm all spread out. The guys flinched as they heard screaming from the other side of their cabin. "Thanks again for blowing the challenge, Jo!" Heather said. "Me?!" Jo scoffed. "You're the one who wasted time arguing instead of digging! Oh, and don't think you're off the hook for sending Lightning after me and almost getting me sent home!" "I wouldn't have needed to argue if everyone just did what I told them to do!" Heather said. "I'm the one with the most experience on this team!" Gwen closed her eyes tighter, trying to ignore the yells. "It's everyone's fault for not working together as a team. Now, cram it, I am trying to sleep!" She put a pillow over her head. "Did that sound villainous?" Gwen gasped. She scrunched her face in determination. "You know what, who cares? It's time for me to play the part," She grunted. "Bunking with the Bickersons is driving me bonkers!" At the Spa Hotel, Zoey and Lindsay laid down to sleep as Courtney watched them from afar. "Sleep next to me, Zoey!" Lindsay said. "Okay, okay, Lindsay," Zoey moved her stuff to the bed next to Lindsay. Lindsay sighed. "I wished Chip had thought of this earlier. It would have made the competition that much more worth it." "It's Chris," Courtney muttered under her breath. "Idiot." In another room, Mike, in his pajamas, prepared to jump into bed. Cameron popped up in front of him. "Ah! Cam?" "So, I was thinking, about your multiple personalities and all, when do you think you lost contact with them? Do any of the usual triggers work? Should we try them again?" Cameron asked. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Cam," Mike said. "Relax. I may have Multiple Personality Disorder, but I'm still a human being. It's been a long day and all I really want to do is sleep," He jumped onto the bed and placed his arms under his head. "Oh, yeah," He chuckled. "This is the life!" Cameron frowned, but moved to his bed. "Yeah, but I feel a little guilty looking at Sam's empty bed. I hope's he okay over on Boney Island." Sam struggled to climb a tree as six bears huddled around the trunk. One of them held a bottle of ketchup while the other carried a hatchet. Sam sighed as he reached a branch beside a chipmunk. "That was too close. Right, little guy?" The chipmunk threw an acorn at Sam. He screamed and fell into the pile of bears. "I can't bear it!" Cameron slept peacefully in his bed. Mike groaned and sat up. His hair fell down, covering the left side of his face. He stood and leaned over Cameron. The personality chuckled. "Perfect," He reached out, his hands inching closer to Cameron's neck. Mike wheezed and groaned. "What? How did I?" He hurried back to his bed. "Oh, no," He whispered. The next day, the Heroic Hamsters gathered around the dining table. Lindsay sat at the far end, carefully separating her foods. Beside her sat Zoey, Mike, and Cameron. On the other end of the table, Courtney glanced at the four warily. "I've never seen eggs so perfectly hardboiled." Cameron said, picking up an egg. "The odds are ten trillion to one!" "Maple bacon?" Mike laughed and raised his arms into the air. "Let's never lose again!" "It's not all perfect," Courtney said. The Hamsters glanced at her cautiously. "Hey, butler?" The butler ran to her side. "I've got a problem. This juice is at least two percent too pulpy." Cameron gestured to his egg and pocketed it. Lindsay, Zoey, and Mike smiled at each other and grabbed toast and bacon. "I thought you were supposed to cater to our every need." The butler handed her a glass of juice. "Oh, that was fast." She grasped the cup. "But I'm sure it won't be ..." She slurped the juice and smiled. "Perfect." Outside, the loudspeakers blasted Chris's voice. "Attention, campers! Forest recon in five, over!" The Villainous Vultures walked beside the Heroic Hamsters as they made their way through the forest. Heather stopped beside Gwen. Alejandro, still walking on his hands, glared at her. "Listen, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday," Heather said. "You're right, teamwork is key. Apology accepted?" Gwen smiled. "Wow! Sure!" She took Heather's hand and shook. "Teamwork?" Heather scoffed. "Ugh! Don't make me barf. I am still gonna take control." Jo fell back and stood next to Gwen. "Okay, you were right. Teamwork is the way. Truce?" She held out her fist. "Uh, sure?" Gwen said and bumped Jo's fist. "And getting Gwen on my side is the best way to do it," Jo laughed. "After all, where Gwen goes, Duncan follows," Heather smirked. "I know they're both playing me," Gwen said. "And I love it! For once I've actually got a little power around here. Go, Team Gwen!" Courtney glanced back, staring at Lindsay and Zoey as they walked beside Cameron and Mike. She caught Gwen's eye and looked away. "Ugh, Courtney's glaring at me again!" Gwen sighed. "Can't you make her stop?" "Love to," Duncan said. "But right now I'm blanking her like she's blanking me so no can do, but let me know if you catch her looking my way," Duncan closed his eyes and pointed to himself. Gwen gasped and glared at him. "Are you kidding me?! First, he goes out of his way to kiss me on the plane, telling me that he wanted to break things off with Courtney. Now, he won't stop talking about her! It's like he wants to get back together with her and be miserable again." She sighed and stopped walking. Alejandro stopped beside her. "If you were my girlfriend, I wouldn't let anyone gaze at you lest they spoil your ethereal beauty. Just something to consider." He walked off. "Heather and Jo are trying to lure Gwen into an alliance, and I intend to beat them to it! Then I'll be the one Heather needs," He gulped. "Er, um, and Jo. Heather and Jo." He chuckled sheepishly. "At ease, soldiers!" Chris said as the contestants walked out of the forest. "Let's all welcome back exiled Hamster ... Sam!" Chef drove a jeep into the clearing with Sam sitting beside him. "Hey, Sam!" Zoey said. "How was exile?" "Aside from the blinding hunger and bear attacks, pretty good actually," Sam said as he stepped off the jeep and crashed on the ground. Mike, Cameron, Zoey, and Lindsay ran up to him. "Don't worry, buddy!" Mike said. "We smuggled you some breakfast!" The four Heroes held out their treats. Sam sighed happily and grabbed the food. "You 'bots are expert-level awesome. Mmm! Maple bacon power pellets." "Courtney," Zoey asked. "What did you bring Sam?" Courtney gasped. "No one told me we were doing that!" "Welcome to today's experiment with your pain thresholds," Chris said as the Hamsters and Vultures stood across from him. "Get ready for an ingenious twist on the war-movie challenge from season two." "Huh," Lindsay said. "I almost forgot that season existed." "There are two weapon caches in the heart of this forest – the big one is filled with state-of-the-art paintball weaponry and the little one has a bunch of cruddy old paintball slingshots. Whoever gets there first gets their pick, but some of you may also recall the Trunk of Mind-Blowing Secrets! Once you've selected your weaponry, you must then pick off the competition and find the trunk which is guarded by our cameo-of-the-day, Brick!" Chris said. "Not Soggy McGee again," Jo scoffed. "Why didn't we have a cameo last time?" Zoey asked. "They're more of an as-need basis," Chris said. "We didn't have a claustrophobic to bury yesterday." "Thanks." Gwen glared. "Once the time runs out, the team that has the trunk or more players left standing, gain immunity. It probably goes without saying, that if you run out of teammates, you lose." Chris said. "And the loser will get a dishonorable discharge Flush-o-Shame style!" "Paintball again?" Duncan scoffed. "Ooh! Original!" Scott snickered. "Oh yeah, that," Chris said. "One of the conditions of my parole is that I can't use or be around hard projectiles like paintballs. So ... instead," Chef walked over to Chris. "You'll be using leeches." Chef held out a leech. The campers cringed. "Leeches?" Heather shuddered. "Chris is really making us earn the million this year. Jerk!" "As winners of yesterday's challenge, the Heroes get a full one minute head start!" Chris announced. The Hamsters cheered while the Vultures groaned. "Ready ... set ..." Chef popped a pistol. A leech flew out and landed on Scott. "Ow!" Scott yelped. The Hamsters cheered as a screen behind Chris began counting down from a minute. Heather walked up to Jo. "Know who could outrace the Hamsters even with a head start? Lightning. Way to ruin everything, Jo." "We all voted him off, remember?!" Jo yelled. "I voted for you," Scott scoffed. "We may not need to worry," Alejandro said. "Look." Sam panted heavily as the Hamsters ran off without him. Mike and Cameron ran back to help. "We got you, buddy." Mike said. Gwen sighed. "Now that's teamwork." Heather, Jo, and Alejandro mumbled. "Yeah, go teamwork." Duncan raised an eyebrow and glanced at Scott. The farm boy tugged on the leech. "Villains," Chris said. "You're up in three, two, one!" The pistol popped and another leech landed on Scott. "Hey!" Chris laughed and high-fived Chef. The Vultures took off into the forest. "Move it!" Courtney snapped at Mike and Cameron as they dragged Sam. "Hustle! Or so help me, you’ll never see another sunrise!" Zoey glanced at Lindsay. "Courtney is kinda scary sometimes," Mike said. He wheezed, reverting to his malicious persona. "And I love when things get scary," He breathed deeply. "So, uh ... what was I saying again? Heh." "Does anyone know where the heart of the forest is exactly?" Cameron asked, panting. "I'll go get a better look!" Zoey said. She swung onto a branch and climbed up the tree. Cameron, Mike, Sam, and Lindsay stared in awe. Courtney gasped. "Zoey has some seriously impressive skills, and that is why she's got to go!" "Over there!" Zoey pointed. She jumped off the tree, catching up to her team. The Vultures ran after them. "Okay, they're heading left," Gwen said. "If we take another path, maybe we can cut them off!" "Great idea," Heather encouraged. "Go, Villains!" Duncan cheered. "Yes we can!" Jo celebrated. Sam mumbled. "Need Dakota. She can carry me around like a gameguy." The Hamsters ran into a clearing where the two crates were stationed. "The big one!" Courtney said. "Go for the big one!" Duncan, Scott, Jo, Heather, and Gwen jumped out of a cluster of nearby bushes, landing in front of the crate. "Whoa!" Mike said. "Where'd they come from?" Heather blew a raspberry. Duncan laughed. "Suckers!" "The small one! Go for the small one!" Courtney reached the small crate and pried it open, taking out a bucket of leeches. "Gross!" "Guess this is the low tech crate all right," Mike said. The Hamsters sighed as they picked up their slingshots. The Vultures cheered. "Who needs Lightning, am I right, people?" Jo said. Heather and Gwen rolled their eyes. Duncan punched the crate and walked out of range as it collapsed onto the ground, revealing paintball guns and cannon. "I'll take the cannon!" Heather, Jo, Scott, and Duncan said. They glanced at each other and frowned. "No, I'll take the cannon! Argh!" "We use it as a team, right, Gwen?" Alejandro asked. "Yeah, obviously," Heather said. "That's what I was going to say," Jo smiled. "Woo! Go, team!" Duncan glared. ‘’"So, Heather, Jo, and Alejandro are making a play for Gwen. Why isn't anyone trying to work me? Probably 'cause I can't be manipulated. But they could at least try!"'' "Hey, dude." Scott nudged Duncan. "Let's get the cannon while they're distracted." Duncan smirked and held out a fist. "I’m with you, bro." Scott bumped his fist. "You guys are right," Gwen said. "We need to stop attacking each other and start attacking the other guys! Fire the cannon!" The Hamsters gasped and ran into the woods. Scott yanked the cord, delivering a blast of leeches onto an intern. He dropped a microphone, causing the Vultures to cringe. "Whoops.’’ Gwen chuckled. “Being in charge is a lot harder than it looks."' Chris watched from his tent. "Tell me about it," He laughed and addressed the camera. "The Villains are off to quite the start, but which team will make it to the finish? Find out when we come back on ''Total ... Drama ... All-Stars!" Act II The Hamsters walked through the woods, glancing around for any sign of Brick or the Vultures. Courtney scoffed. "Of course the Villains get machine gun shooters." She raised her slingshot. "We'll never beat them with these puny slingshots!" "Sure we can ..." Cameron said. "If we're stealthy and score first!" "Ugh, nerd," Courtney scoffed. "You know I can hear you, right?" Cameron asked. "Uh," Courtney glanced around and spotted Sam. "We need to get rid of the extra weight. The Villains will find us for sure with Sam around." "We can't leave a man behind!" Mike said. "Yeah, what Misha said," Lindsay said. "A cave!" Zoey said. "Sam can rest in there!" The Heroes entered the cave. Mike and Cameron groaned as they dropped him on the floor. Sam groaned. "Power levels low." "Should someone stay to guard him?" Mike asked. "Of course not!" Courtney said. "We can't leave another person behind and give the Vultures a numbers advantage." "But, if a Villain finds Sam and no one is here to protect him, it'll cost us a point." Zoey argued. Courtney groaned. "Uh, fine. At least leave someone who we can afford to lose." She stared at Cameron and Lindsay. "Hey!" Cameron protested. Lindsay gulped. "When Chip first told me that I was a star, I was excited, but after what Courtney said yesterday, I just can't help, but think – and that's a first for me – that my team might not think so." Lindsay gulped and raised her hand. "I'll do it." "Way to go, Lindsay!" Mike cheered. "I'm okay with that." Courtney smiled. Cameron, Mike, Zoey, and Courtney walked out of the cave with their slingshots raised. "We have to find the villains before they find us." Zoey said. "Stealthy forest maneuvers?" Cameron asked. "This is a perfect time to bring out Svetlana!" "Who?" Courtney asked. "This is no time for fooling around! Zoey, you and I will sneak up from behind while Mike and Cameron face the Villains head on. Agreed?" "Won't the Vultures see us?" Cameron asked. "Obviously," Courtney said. "And when the Villains finish pelting you with leeches, they won't notice Zoey and me taking them out from the back." "I don't like this plan," Mike said. "I'll try and bring out Svetlana." He held his breath and closed his eyes. "Fine, then! You losers stay here!" Courtney said. "But, I'm not going to end up with a face full of leeches today." She scowled and ran into the forest. "Courtney, wait!" Zoey ran after her. "I've had enough of this!" Courtney said. "Zoey this, Mike that, nerd says this, Sam drags my team down. No wonder they all get along with Lindsay. They share a brain!" "Svetlana?" Cameron asked. "Is that you?" Mike sighed. "Nah, still me. What happened to Zoey?" "She went after Courtney." Cameron said. "It's probably better we split up anyway. Besides, this will give us the chance to figure out what's up with your personalities." "It wasn't too long ago I couldn't keep my alternate personalities in," Mike said. "Now they won't come out?!" He hit his arm against the cave. "Ow! Danged cave! Am I right, Chester? Huh?" "Uh, Mike," Cameron said. Mike ripped his shirt off. "Yo, Vito, my shirt's off. Come and get it! Vito! Anybody?" He curled up and shivered. Cameron blinked. "I'm starting to get worried." Duncan, Gwen, Jo, and Scott pushed the cannon while Heather and Alejandro followed. "Why don't you make yourself useful and help push the cannon?" Heather asked Alejandro. Alejandro glared. "In case you haven't noticed, my legs are asleep! I may be able to walk on my hands, but I'm not that perfect." "As if anyone believes your legs are really asleep," Heather said. "Stop trying to earn sympathy." Gwen sighed. "We're easy targets like this. Maybe we should ditch the cannon." "No way!" Jo said. "I haven't had the chance to fire it yet!" She patted the cannon. "Isn't that right, sweetheart?" "Okay," Gwen said. "Then we should split up. Half of us can go find Brick and the others can hunt down the Heroes." "Agreed," Alejandro said. "I'll go with Gwen." "No, I'll go with Gwen." Heather protested. "As if I'm letting either of you go anywhere with Gwen!" Jo said. "Please attempt to be reasonable!" Alejandro yelled as Heather and Jo began to argue. Duncan raised an eyebrow and glanced at Gwen. "Are you seriously okay with this?" Gwen smirked triumphantly. "Uh, Gwen?" He waved his hand in front of her. Gwen glared at Duncan and smacked his hand away. "Would you stop that?" "What's the matter with you?" Duncan asked. "This isn't the Gwen I know." Gwen scoffed. "What? Are you seriously jealous of the fact that Heather, Jo, and Alejandro are fighting over me while Courtney won't even give you the time of day?!" "Where did that come from?" Duncan yelled. "Okay, look!" Scott shouted. "Since you three," He pointed at Heather, Jo, and Alejandro. "Want Gwen so badly, you can have her!" He pushed Gwen toward them. "You four can find Brick while Duncan and I hunt down the Heroes." "Sounds like a plan!" Duncan gripped the paintball gun and followed Scott into the forest. "Come back!" Gwen shouted angrily. "We haven't decided as a team!" "I agree with Dirty Boy's plan," Jo smirked. "Besides, I have some experience in dealing with Brick. Just leave him to me!" Gwen frowned uncertainly. "Well, teamwork is about using our strengths together." She raised her machine gun. "Let's do this." Lindsay popped her head out of the cave. She gasped and hid as Duncan and Scott passed by. "Think we should check in there?" Duncan asked. Scott shuddered. "After the mines, I'm not a fan of cramped, dark spaces." "I hear you, bro," Duncan said. "Let's keep going." Lindsay sighed. Sam moaned. She turned to him. "Shh! The Villains are right outside." "Sorry," Sam mumbled. "Never volunteer for exile on Boney Island. Thanks for staying with me in the cave." "No problem" Lindsay smiled. "Although I have to be honest, part of the reason was to avoid getting hit with a leech. It's bad for the skin." "That's okay," Sam said. "I know Courtney made you." "No, she didn't," Lindsay said. "She pushed me off the cliff, but that's in the past. Besides, no one probably thinks I can help anybody. They probably believe I’ll screw up and hit one of them with the leech." “Don’t sell yourself so short,” Sam mumbled. “Nobody thinks that of you. If anything, I’m the useless one. Didn’t make the merge and too weak to help that I need a babysitter.” “Hey,” Lindsay said. “I would have stayed behind even if it wasn’t for a challenge.” "That means a lot," Sam groaned. "But, if you want to prove yourself an all-star, why do you let Courtney push you around like that?" Lindsay frowned. "I don't let her, do I?" Courtney scowled as Zoey caught up to her. "Courtney," Zoey shouted. "Didn't you hear me calling for you?" "I'm sure the Villains did as well." Courtney said. She and Zoey hunched down to crawl on the ground among the bushes, careful to avoid being seen. "What do you want, anyway?" "We have to help each other," Zoey said. "With these slingshots, we have no chance against the Villains. Our best bet is to get the Trunk of Mind Blowing Secrets to the cave and defend it." "We'll still need a distraction," Courtney said. “I seem to recall someone who wasn't okay with that plan." "Mike. I know. He just wants me to stay safe," Zoey said. "Maybe we don't have to use some of our teammates as the distraction. Look over there!" Courtney turned and smiled. Duncan and Scott walked in front of them in the open. "Who knew Zoey could be so cruel? Chris obviously put her on the wrong team." Gwen, Heather, and Jo grunted as they heaved the cannon after Alejandro. He went on ahead, searching for any sign of Brick or the Heroes. "Anything?" Heather asked. "I see something up ahead." Alejandro informed. Jo ran off after Alejandro. She stopped beside him and stooped. In a clearing similar to the heart of the forest, Brick carried a machine gun and marched around the Trunk of Mind Blowing Secrets. Heather and Gwen bent down behind them. "Remember the plan everyone?" Gwen asked. Heather, Jo, and Alejandro nodded. "Teamwork, Villains!" She said happily. "Yay, teamwork!" Heather, Jo, and Alejandro mumbled softly. Jo stepped into the clearing. "I never thought to see you again, Brick for Brains." She laughed. "Jo," Brick's eyes narrowed. "Chris told me that I'd be meeting you again. Here for the chest?" He aimed the paintball machine gun at her. Jo laughed. "Put that away before you get hurt. You never did have a chance with me." Brick fired the machine gun. Jo instinctively dodged them, and raised her own paintball machine gun. She fired at Brick, but he dove behind the chest and began recharging his ammo. "Come out and face me, McArthur!" Jo said. Gwen, Heather, and Alejandro lay in the bushes. "Get him away from the chest!" Heather said. "Yeah, yeah, don't get your short-shorts in a twist," Jo said. "Brick! These leeches have an appointment with your face!" She walked up to the trunk, but Brick leaped over her and fired the paintball machine gun. Jo dodged the projectiles and knocked Brick's machine gun out of his hands. "Any last words, soldier?" "Just one, sir," Brick said. He turned and ran into the forest, screaming. Jo laughed. "Get back here, Private Crybaby!" She ran after him. "Wait, Jo, the chest!" Gwen said. "It's just like Jo to ditch us before we can grab the chest," Heather said. "She obviously doesn't believe in the value of teamwork. Hey, I have an idea. What if you, me, and Duncan vote her off if we lose? She's not exactly a team player." Gwen glared at her. "Save it. We have to get the chest before the Heroes show up." Heather scowled. Mike ran out of the bushes. "Zoey!" He spotted the Trunk of Mind Blowing Secrets. "The chest!" "Wait, Mike!" Cameron grabbed Mike and dragged him back into the bushes as Gwen and Heather began firing leeches at them. "That was close," Mike said. "Thanks, Cam. We need to figure out a way to get that chest." Gwen snickered as she continued firing the leeches at the pile of bushes. "Who knew tormenting the Heroes could be so fun?" "Uh, excuse me," Heather dragged the chest over to Alejandro. "A little help here?" "Can't you see I'm injured?" Alejandro walked up to Gwen. "Tell her, Gwen, we'll need to work as a team to get the chest to safety," He whispered up to her. "Heather obviously doesn't appreciate the team. You know how she's like, valuing the prize money over relationships. Teamwork doesn't resonate with her. You, Duncan, and I should vote her off." "What?" Gwen lied. "Can't hear you. Having too much fun! Wow. You think the gun would run out of leeches or something." Alejandro scowled. Heather faced Alejandro. "You can take your excuses and stick 'em in your –" A leech struck her hair. She screamed. "In my hair! What is wrong with you?" Heather tugged on the leech, trying to pull it out of her head. "Sorry, but not totally," Zoey said. She ducked back into the bushes as Gwen fired at her. "Nice shot, Zoey!" Courtney said. "I didn't know you had the guts to take on Heather." "Thanks, Courtney!" Zoey said. "But, Gwen's still out there. We need to distract her before Alejandro figures out how to fire with his legs." "Did I hear Zoey?" Mike popped out of the bushes. "Duck, Mike!" Cameron shouted. Gwen turned to face them, but Zoey and Courtney leaped out and fired leeches from their slingshot. Courtney's leech struck Alejandro in the butt. "I'm hit!" Alejandro screamed as he collapsed. Zoey and Courtney ran around Gwen. Gwen aimed her paintball gun at Zoey and fired. The Hero tried to duck, but a leech struck her side. "Ow!" Zoey said. "I'm out." "Zoey?!" Mike ran to her and dragged her into the bushes. "Are you okay?" "Yeah," Zoey said. "It's only a leech." "I can't believe I wasn't there to defend you. I promise, Zoey, if it's the last thing I do, those Villains will pay!" Mike shouted. "Aw, how sweet," Zoey smiled. "But, really I'm okay." Mike wheezed. His hair fell over his face. The fifth personality chuckled evilly and rubbed his hands together. "This is going to be good." Duncan and Scott entered the clearing. "What took you so long?" Gwen scolded as she picked up Heather's machine gun and fired. "Had trouble finding the Heroes." Duncan raised his machine gun and fired at Courtney. Courtney screamed and ran toward the forest, but a leech struck her and she fell. Duncan laughed. "Have anything to say about that, Courtney?" Gwen fired the machine paintball gun. "Come on, Cameron and Mike are still out there. Scott, stay here and use the cannon to guard the chest." She and Duncan ran into the woods. "Avenge me!" Heather shouted. Jo ran back into the clearing. "What happened here?" "Zoey shot Heather. Courtney shot Alejandro. Gwen shot Zoey. Duncan shot Courtney," Scott said, pointing at the leeches on the contestants. "Gwen and Duncan went after Cameron and Mike. I think. Any sign of Lindsay, Sam, or Brick?" "Brick ditched me in the woods, but he'll be back for the chest. We'll need to be on the lookout. Make sure that he doesn't come –" Jo said. Scott screamed as a fury of leeches struck his body. Jo ran to the cannon and raised it to the trees, firing at them. "It must be Brick!" An evil chuckle rang around the clearing. Jo picked up Scott's machine gun. "I'll handle him." "What about the chest?" Scott asked. "It'll be fine. I can take on any of the Heroes." Jo ran into the woods. Duncan and Gwen walked cautiously in the woods. "Just pretend Mike's Courtney and you'll clobber him in no time." Gwen said. "Now, that's what I like to see. My girl embracing her villainous side." Duncan said. Gwen flinched. "Wait. Villainous? What do you mean by that?" "Well, when we first started the season," Duncan said. "You didn't want to be on the Villains team. Now, that you're on it, you've gotten Alejandro, Heather, and Jo wrapped around your finger thinking they have you in their pocket when it's the other way around. Look at the way you attacked the Heroes in the clearing. I call that villainous." "You really think I could be that vengeful?" Gwen asked. "You don't know me at all." "What are you talking about?" Duncan asked. "I do know you. I've seen the way you've been acting lately and that's not you. You're letting this team get to your head." "I'm only playing the game." Gwen said. "But, the old Gwen wouldn't have manipulated Heather, Jo, or Alejandro. And she wouldn't have fired at the Heroes like that." Duncan said. "The New Heather would." An evil chuckle rang around the woods. Gwen and Duncan raised their paintball machine guns and walked cautiously. Duncan glanced to the side as Cameron raised his slingshot. "Angle forty-seven degrees, allowing for minimal wind resistance ..." Cameron fired his slingshot. The leech bounced off a rock, ricocheted off a branch, and flew toward Gwen. "No!" Duncan leaped past Gwen with his arms raised, shielding her from the attack. The leech struck him in the butt. "Duncan!" Gwen said. She fired her machine paintball gun, but Cameron yelped and dived into the bushes, avoiding the blasts. "Wow! I can't believe you just took a leech for me." "Guess you don't know me that well either, huh?" Duncan said. Leeches struck Gwen in the head. She screamed and collapsed next to Duncan. "Gwen!" Duncan looked up and gasped. Mike, half of his face covered by his hair, laughed. "Couldn’t restrain myself." Duncan gasped. "Was that who I think it was?" "It's 5 to 2 Heroes," Chris announced suddenly. "Time's running up and no one's seemed to have gotten hold of the chest yet! It's still anyone's game! You know, unless any of the four Heroes take out Jo, ‘cause then they'll totally win." Jo walked outside the cave. "Pathetic!" She sighed. "Some team. I'm stronger than Old Heather, Ala-Hand-Walker, Count Gwen-cula, Stunk-can, and Sharkbait combined. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to dump Lightning so fast." A screen fell into the confessional next to her. Lightning's face smiled on the tablet. "I told you you'd regret it! Ha! I win! Sha-woo!" "What the?" Jo grabbed the screen. "He left a pre-recorded message," Chris said over the intercom. "Just in case." Jo growled and threw the tablet on the ground. Cameron ran up to Mike as he stood at the edge of a cliff. "Mike, Mike, did you hear? We're winning. If we grab the chest now, victory is ours!" He raised his arms. Mike didn't turn. "Mike? Can you hear me?" Mike chuckled deeply. "Foolish boy," he turned and grinned through his hair. "Hello, Cameron. It's come to my attention that you've been studying us." "You – you're not Mike!" Cameron gulped and raised his slingshot. "Who are you?" "Me?" The personality laughed. "I'm the part of Mike that needs him the most. The part that kept him company, kept him safe. Unfortunately for you, Mike doesn't know what he needs. All this chaos," He inhaled the sound of leeches being fired. "It fuels me. He thought I was gone, you know. He doesn't even know I've surfaced or what's become of those characters of his." "You're the one who caused his other personalities to disappear, but why?" Cameron asked. The personality scoffed. "Why would I tell you? This isn't a cartoon, it is reality. And the reality is, you've been studying Mike for far too long and you need to be removed. If he finds out I'm back, then he'll try to lock himself up again. I can't let that happen. He needs me too much. Once I remove the rest of you peons and win the million, nothing will ever harm him again. Don't worry. He won't even remember what he did to you." Cameron raised his slingshot. "Stop it! Don't make me use this." The personality chuckled and ran toward Cameron. Cameron flinched and raised the slingshot, shooting him in the forehead with the leech. Mike wheezed and collapsed. "Cameron? What happened?" He asked weakly. Cameron looked around nervously. "Uh," He fired a leech onto his face and collapsed next to him. "The Villains got us, buddy." He chuckled. Jo tapped her chin. "Get the chest or go after the Heroes. Get the chest or go after the Heroes. Getting the chest is strategic, but," She raised the machine paintball gun. "I won't get another chance to hurt them like this again." She entered the cave. "Smells like sweat and bacon. Sam." Lindsay hid behind a rock. "Ew, ew, ew, ew." She picked up a leech and fired, but it plastered itself on the wall. Jo faced Lindsay. "Time to start evening the odds." Lindsay gasped and ducked behind the rocks next to Sam. "We're doomed!" "Not if I have anything to say about it!" Sam stood with a slingshot, but Jo fired the leeches, splattering him with the animals. He collapsed next to Lindsay. "Apparently I don't." "Come out, come out, Fashion Nonsense," Jo clicked on the paintball gun. "Crap. It's jammed." "It's up to you, Lindsay!" Sam said. "I know you can do it. We all believe in you!" "Really?" Lindsay asked. "'Cause I sure don't." She grabbed a leech and stood, firing the projectile. Jo dislocated the capsule and tossed them at Lindsay. "This just in," Chris said. "With a final score of six to five, the Heroes win! Although some of them didn't behave all that heroically." Jo frowned as a leech hung from her forehead. Lindsay squealed. "I did it! I won for my team! Maybe I am an all-star!" Act III "Welcome back, Villainous Vultures – second elimination in a row. Way to lose." Chris said. "Now get ready to cut someone loose. It's votin' time!" Alejandro marked an X through someone's picture. Duncan studied Alejandro, Heather, and Jo's pictures. Gwen crossed an X over someone's picture. Heather and Jo crossed an X over somebody's pictures. Scott crossed out someone's picture. "The votes are in!" Chris said as Chef held out a tray of ten marshmallows. "When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. Gwen, Scott, and Alejandro," The three stood and grabbed the marshmallows off their plates. Duncan, Heather, and Jo glanced at each other. "Heather," She claimed her marshmallow. Duncan, and Jo glared at each other. "The last person safe for the Villains is ..." Duncan raised an eyebrow. Jo stared at Chris. "Jo!" Duncan and Gwen gasped. "This teamwork thing is going nowhere," Heather said. "If Gwen and Duncan won't be of use to me, then ..." "They can't be of use to each other," Alejandro said. "But, between the two of them ..." "Gwen is the one easier to manipulate." Jo said. Chris grinned. "Duncan, looks like you have an appointment with the Flush of Shame!" "Wait!" Cameron shouted. "I volunteer for the Flush of Shame!" "Cameron, why?" Mike asked. "I'd love to help you with your, uh, problem, but I-I-I'm sorry, Mike," Cameron said. "I just don't deserve to be on the Heroes team. Not after what I did to you. I don’t deserve to be on the team." "What did you do to me?" Mike asked. Cameron gulped. "I may have shot you with a leech. Sorry. My calculations must have been off." "Well, isn't this a nice way to introduce the surprise twist," Chris said. "Instead of flushing Duncan or Cameron, I've decided that they're going to be reshuffling!" "Meaning?" Gwen asked. "Today, one villain acted more like a hero, and one hero acted more like a villain." Chris said. "So pack your bags and switch your teams ... Cameron and Duncan." "Me? A villain?!" Cameron asked. "I don't wanna be a lame-o hero." Duncan said. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," Chris said. "Just do it." Duncan sighed. "It was fun while it lasted." He leaned down and kissed Gwen on the cheek. "Don't lose yourself without me." Mike inhaled, unleashing his fifth personality, but he quickly pushed his hair back up. "I'll find a way to help you, even from the Villains' side." Cameron raised his hand. "Gee, thanks, pal." Mike shook Cameron's hand. Cameron turned to the Villainous Vultures. Alejandro, Heather, Scott, and Jo glared at him menacingly. He turned to Gwen. "Um, hi." "Welcome to the Villains team." Gwen crossed her arms. "None of us expect you to last long." Alejandro, Heather, Jo, and Scott gasped. "Am I doing it on purpose?" Gwen asked nervously. "Why am I acting this way?" Duncan sat down next to Courtney. "At least now you have to stop blanking me and admit I exist … teammate." Courtney growled. "Yeah, you exist. So what?!" She stomped her foot. "I-I-I think I like the blanking better." Duncan rubbed his head and stood next to Mike. "Welcome to our team." Mike said. Duncan glared at him. "Something about you sounds familiar." "Cameron doesn't know what he's in for." The personality said. "None of them do. If I have my way and I will, everybody loses." The Heroic Hamsters and Villainous Vultures began leaving the campfire. "Not so fast, Duncan," Chris said. "As the one voted off tonight, you get to spend the night in exile on Boney Island." "This bites." Duncan growled. Chef led him to the Boat of Losers. Chris laughed. "Find out who's next to take the plunge, when we return with another all new episode of Total ... Drama ... All-Stars!" Brick dragged the Trunk of Mind Blowing Secrets into a cave. “Hello? Chris? Is the challenge over? I, uh, don’t do well in the dark.” A branch snapped. “Who’s there?” Sasquatchanakwa raised a torch. He spotted Brick and roared. Exclusive clip "What was Chris thinking when he moved me over to the Villains team?" Cameron asked. "There isn't an evil bone in my body. I have the medical documentation to prove it." Cameron pulled out an X-ray of himself. "Maybe if I practiced some villainous laughter beforehand." Cameron cackled, but screamed and fell into the toilet. "Help! Hello? Anybody? A little help? Oh, wait. I'm on the Villains team." Category:A to Z Category:Total Drama All-Stars (Rewrite) transcripts